I Suck At Being Single. And Not in a Fun Katherine Heigl Rom-Com Kind of Way.

Who am I why am I here and what does it all mean and should this be punctuated?

Other people blog about all of the fabulous, exciting sex that is apparently waiting to be plucked from the tree of life.  I should be a cougar, right?  I should be sitting at the end of a bar ordering rusty nails and wooing the next generation of Benjamin Braddocks into my lady lair. Why doesn’t that appeal to me? Am I neutered now? Did that happen? Have I become some sort of asexual freak? Aagh. I need to go red lipstick and shiny jumpsuit shopping tomorrow. This shit isn’t funny any more.

One of those weeks.

I’m having one of those weeks wherein songs from Jesus Christ Superstar keep playing on an endless loop in my head. Is there a medication I should be taking to address this issue? It’s really torturous, both for myself and for the people around me who incur my wrath.

IMG_0277I think what I need is a full psychological makeover. I clean up ok physically, but on a personal level – meh. I’m kind of over humanity, but miserable about it. I lack the ability to give a shit, and I’m not really trying.

Jesus Christ. Superstar.

I spend too much time watching Investigation Discovery (A.K.A. “The I Married My Murderer” channel. The worst thing about these shows is the weird thrill that the narrators seem to take with telling the stories of gruesome murders – with metaphors so bad it’s like they’re trying to be awful. You can hear it in their intonation and overly-heavy pauses: Did Terry Flannelson really go to Wendy Victimhead’s apartment to drop off a gift basket for Easter? Hmmm? Or did he have… other reasons? Was he hopping on over, whiskers-a-twitchin’, with a basket…of murder?

And so it goes. Hosanna, Heysanna, Sanna, sanna-ho-sanna, heysanna, hosanna. Over and out.













12 thoughts on “I Suck At Being Single. And Not in a Fun Katherine Heigl Rom-Com Kind of Way.

  1. Ann St. Vincent

    I have stories about fabulous and exciting sex but also a lot about how weird it is to be single again at 40. So many memos one doesn’t receive about married. Like cock shots…didn’t expect those. You will have fun…you just need to figure out what kind you want. I wrote a post about not taking yourself to seriously. It seems to help 🙂

      1. orangeblorenge

        You could put the theme song from the Brady Bunch in my head and I’d still follow you anywhere. There’s a storey. Of a lovely lady. Who was busy with three children of her own.
        Now we’even.

    1. orangeblorenge

      – “we’re” . Wow – having to correct two typos sure takes the funny right the fuck out of EVERYthing.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s