What’s on Your No List?

When preparing to enter the dating world, it is important to know what you are looking for, and –perhaps more importantly — what you hope to avoid. There are obvious traits that everyone should try to avoid (Pathological liars, violent drug abusers, racists and video-game addicts come to mind).

But I have an additional list of rules for a prospective partner. These are the identifying traits of men with whom I know I will not get along. It’s not meant to offend anyone — We’re each of us special, unique snowflakes with different tastes. But, still: some of the snowflakes are not for me, and it’s better to know that ahead of time. Right?

My No List:

  1. No pants with sandals. Never, ever should this be worn by any person of any gender in any location.
  2. No self-identifying as a Republican. Trust me, you won’t like me either.
  3. No fitting in my skinny jeans, comfortably.
  4. No weird affectations like a pocket watch, bowtie, or Dr. Who scarf.
  5. No country music fans. No offense, just not my taste. (Only exceptions: Loving Dolly Parton and having an ironic appreciation for Kenny Rogers are both ok.)
  6. No medieval faire participants (Prithee, stay thee away from me.)
  7. No loafers with tassels. Just looking at these horrible footwear choices makes my lady parts close up with a clang like a jail cell door.
  8. No whale belts or salmon culottes or boat shoes. If you own any nautical Beacon Hill Wasp Wear – just, no.
  9. No Blair, Blain, Brick, Crock , Flick or any similarly-horrible one-syllable name (unless you have the sense to go by a nickname).
  10. No dissing my car. Respect the classic Camry and it’s many quirks, or move on. Love me, love my car.

What’s on your No List? I’m curious to hear any items from your personal that you’d like to share.

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14 thoughts on “What’s on Your No List?

  1. HemmingPlay

    These don’t strike me as extreme at all. I’ll bet there are a few more than you’re keeping to yourself, though…..

    I personally did a double-take at the tassel loafer one, wondered if that meant with or without socks? Maybe you have a deep-seated aversion to anyone who went to Groton and thinks roughing it means driving to Ma Ma’s in the Mercedes instead of the Bentley?

    This made me laugh, though. I smiled at the checklist approach, but sympathize with the idea of putting these out there to save yourself some wasted time. Men don’t tend to do this, of course. Our’s is a process of deciding “is she breathing?” and “does she like me?” which usually means anything less negative than subtle hints such as pointing a weapon at us or calling the cops.

    Reply
    1. notesfromthebathroomfloor Post author

      Great analysis. And you’re spot on about the aversion to spoiled rich boys. It’s probably petty and close-minded of me to immediately place someone on my No List because of their shoes. But I know myself. Rich boys and I do not get along. And it’s a damned shame, because I think money and I would get along nicely. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Kim Pepper

    ‘close up with a clang like a jail cell door.’ Just taking the time to appreciate that. Had me in stitches. The list is wonderful, it seems natural to not do these things?! Obviously the naming is no fault of their own, but hey ho there’s no one else to blame haha! xx

    Reply
      1. simplygiselle

        When I met my “now boyfriend” it was in the top 50 questions. I guess you would have to be stealthy about it from the get-go and slip him some Nyquil Z with the coffee to confirm.

  3. annieemmy

    “We’re each of us unique, special snowflakes…” Bwahahahahaha! Love it. Also, love your list. I would also include mullets, pencil thin mustaches, cowboy boots, too many tattoos, ego-maniacal crazies, and any kind of respect, admiration or affinity what-so-ever for Kanye West.

    Reply
  4. Dawn

    Blaine? His name is Blaine? Oh! That’s a major appliance, that’s not a name! (name that movie). I also have an aversion to preppy rich boys. I blame the 80’s. Your list cracked me up! I’d add no rabid sports fans and must be a reader, but that’s probably just me.

    Reply
    1. notesfromthebathroomfloor Post author

      Pretty in Pink. BAM. I am firmly on team Duckie, by the way. Anyone who can sing and dance to Otis Redding as soulfully as that is worth a shot, in any case.

      Literacy is a good addition. I live in Boston, so it’s hard to find someone who’s not a sports fan for at least part of the year (including me, sometimes). But then, there are limits to what’s acceptable. 🙂

      Reply

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