Shitty Holiday Card Messages I’d Like To See

For the folks who find carols and mall shopping overwhelming. For those of us who do not enjoy the smell of peppermint and pine and eggnog. Or for those who sort of enjoy the season, but still enjoy a wry giggle.

Have a Safe and Palatable Secular December

Dear Virginia, Santa Isn’t Real. Grow the Fuck up.

Don We Now Our Gay Apparel. (Nice sweater).

Have you ever actually taken a ride in a one-horse open sleigh? It’s uncomfortable and bumpy and cold, believe me you.

Ignore the World. Let them know that Christmas-time is OVER.

Happy Hanukah. Sorry about the Santa crap. Enjoy your Chinese dinner on December 25th.

Gold, Frankenscence and Myrrh? Just what every young family living away in a manger needs. Some wise men.

…Later on, we’ll conspire; As we dream by the fire; To face unafraid, the plans that we made; Let’s go kill Juanita Bunderman

Jingle bells. (Stating the obvious, there)

2 thoughts on “Shitty Holiday Card Messages I’d Like To See

  1. magicgirl523

    So very true, I truly appreciated the lint ” let’s go kill Juanita bunderman” She must’ve done some incredibly awful shit at Christmas , that we have to kill her. Very funny stuff thanks !


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