The Casual Drive-By Finger This variant of the I Don’t Even Have Time For This Finger is best delivered with a wry smile. Here’s your opportunity to incorporate the power of the automobile into a dismissive Fuck You. The finger is held steady from the driver’s side window as you give the horn a couple of soft toots for emphasis.
What the Casual Drive-By Finger communicates to the recipient: I’ve got better places to go and don’t care to spend another moment in the vicinity of your sorry ass. Hope you have a nice day choking on my dust, fucker!
When to use it: Provided you are confident that the recipient is unable to catch you (either because he/she is stuck in traffic or traveling on foot) , and you’re in your car and have a clear path with steady terrain in front of you, the Casual Drive-By Finger is all yours to administer at will. Use it well.
The Guns-A-Blazin’ Finger. In a perfect world, there would be no need for the Guns-A-Blazin’ Finger to exist. Its overt intentional stupidity is an affront to the cool, subtle je ne sais quoi of the Classic Finger. So, unless you are an actual rodeo clown or Randy Quaid, keep the G.A.B holstered, cowboy.
What it communicates to the recipient: Yee-haw! Don’t touch my truck! You cain’t fight good ’cause you done gone to school. Whadayou, gay or somethin’? Yee-haw!
When to use it: The G.A.B. Finger has 2 acceptable uses: Ironic, self-aware administration of the G.A.B is (almost) acceptable with friends and family. Non-ironic use is only acceptable at rodeos, saloons, carnivals, and line-dancing events — and then only by actual assholes.
The Classic Finger. Every genre and fashion has its “Classic” : the old stand-by that never fails to do the job. This finger is the jeans and T-shirt of middle fingers. It’s the dependable Chevy of rude gestures. Its style is found in its lack of embellishment. Form over function. If you only have one go-to style of finger flip, this one is for you. A classic is never out of style.
What it communicates to the recipient: I hate you because you are hate-able. Go away.
When to use it: General use acceptable. At social events, in traffic, in line at the grocery store, with friends and family.