Tag Archives: humor

You Really Said It, Buddy – a sketch

Here’s another comedy sketch for your enjoyment.

You Really Said It Buddy

Advertisements

The Denial Dial.

It’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. This week sucks, traditionally. The days are short, the air is cold, I’m often feeling less than healthy, and the blues ensue. Always, always, always. Why would this year be any different?

In some ways it’s worse. We’ll be saying goodbye to the best president I’ve known in my lifetime and ushering in the era of Trump. God DAMN it. That is just wrong. Every time I think of it, my mind starts to desperately backpedal. I’m looking for the UNDO button, and when I can’t find it and don’t want to linger on my despair, I instead hold the DENIAL dial in place. It produces a soft shhhh noise. Sometimes I have to put it on high, but it is never off. Maybe that’s unhealthy.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Reality is unsettling. I’m on the verge of possibly (probably?) being laid off, which is equal parts terrifying and exciting. It’s long overdue and forces me into action. I can’t stay in this apartment in Somerville without a regular paycheck – that is for certain. So, once I hear about the job officially, I’ll move in with Max in Providence. I’m very lucky to have the opportunity to do that.

So. I’ll have a warm, safe place to live with someone I love. I’ll have an opportunity to throw myself into writing, to finish some big projects, to start some new ones. Maybe I’ll make it happen this year.

Or maybe I am about to fail at life, epically, and maybe I will never-

-SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Words You May Use To Describe Me

If a member of the press asks you to answer questions about me, I hereby authorize the following descriptive terms. Be sure to pepper any list of my vast, impressive accomplishments with astonished references to my humility. I thank you. ~kc

  • Diabolical Villainess
  • Wealthy Socialite
  • Coffee-Loving
  • Shapely
  • Comely
  • Any other adjective ending with -ly
  • Whip-Smart
  • Survival-Oriented
  • Well-Accessorized
  • Brilliant Light in a Dark World
  • A Book-Smart Dame With Legs That Go For Miles
  • A Leggy Dame with Brains That Go For Miles
  • A Smiley Dame With Gams That Belie Her Braininess
  • The Brainy Gam Lady
  • Humble, To a Fault

 

50 Ways To Give The Finger – #10: The Valentine Finger

Screen Shot 2015-02-14 at 12.37.14 PMThe Valentine Finger can be administered on any day of the year, not just the one special day that we set aside each year to exchange Russell Stover’s Creme d’Monstrosities for sex.

What the Valentine Finger communicates to the recipient: Why, yes –I will be enjoying a movie that I want to see at home with a glass of wine and chocolates that I love. And thank you for reminding me how amazing that will be. I do love you, after all.

When to use it: When you are in line behind a bickering couple, when you are standing in front of a hideous Valentine’s Day display, when a bridal bouquet is thrown in your general direction, or when a couple takes their Love-gazey, finger twiddly display out in public.

UP NEXT: #11 – The Delicate Kiss-Off Finger

The Murderous, Boring, Beige Moods Of January

I want to say something about the bleak days of January. But damn it, that’s a hard thing to do when all you want to do is lie on your couch in a fleece space suit watching Investigation Discovery and tossing Trader Joes’ Cheese puffs into your food hole.

Continue reading