Tag Archives: life

Kicking My Own Dopey Ass Off a Cliff (In a Good Way)

I attended a talk earlier this week – a dialog between a Buddhist shastri and a Unitarian Universalist minister. The talk itself was funny and lovely and interesting. They touched on their personal takes on human nature, spiritualism, and community and ended with the reading of the Mary Oliver poem “The Summer Day.” The poem ends with a question, which we were asked to ponder:

 What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?winding-path

It’s interesting how this question was raised for me right now, given my state of mind. I’m feeling a lack of motivation that I need to overcome. I need to need something. Maybe that something is not love. Maybe it’s achievement. Maybe it’s creating a positive change in the world. But something. Something that starts a fire in my belly and puts a spring in my step.

I’m bored and unmotivated and I’ve been sort of passively awaiting inspiration. It could be that this is the wrong approach, that I should be acting despite my instincts, here. Fake it ‘til I make it, so to speak.

What’s more – come to think of it, I believe I am actively avoiding or ignoring inspiration. I was invited to join an advanced screenwriting class by a teacher who taught my last class in the spring. It’s been bothering me – this half-written thing. I’d really like to finish it. But for some reason, I am making excuses for ignoring his email. The class will cost money and funds are a little tight. I signed up for a comedy skit writing class that starts in mid-October. I’m in a weekly discussion group that requires reading. I’ve committed to some volunteer work at the meditation center I attend.

These are all good things. They are. I just need to locate my give-a-shit. I seem to have misplaced it. I am this little dopey bird, and I need to be booted off the cliff immediately:

I don’t want to be the dopey bird forever. So does that mean I should sign up for the screenwriting class, finish my screenplay, submit a cartoon to the New Yorker, jump headlong into work, revise some old essays and start submitting them, pay to set up my blog properly, buy some knee-high Doc Martens and just hold my breath and do it all? To hell with the expenses and never mind how many hours are actually in a day. Just fucking do the stuff that you want to do because honestly you do have the energy, you just need to get your ass into gear and find your get-up-and-go.

Just decide to kick ass at everything. All of the things. Enough of this sitting on my ass and hiding in plain sight. If I fail, at least I will fail spectacularly.

Somebody strike a Match (dot-com)

Online Dating Gives me Agita  Here’s what happens every time I start to fill out an online profile: I get as far as filling out all of the questions, and then I look at the pictures of prospective dates and feel the need to flee the scene. It’s not that there are not any decent men online. There is a mix of good and bad, like everywhere else. It’s not their fault at all, since I’ve never reached the whole “Talk to online stranger” phase of the transaction. It’s just that I feel like a deli item, on display: “Please do partake of my choice cuts of pastrami.” Is it clear now why men are knocking down my door to get to the wonder that is me?

And so, I ask for your help, dear reader. Share with me your wisdom.